In my art piece, I specifically wanted there to be some blue under the black because I wanted to address that there is better; the sky will be blue instead of things being dark all the time. The hands, the face with the eyes covered- they represent hiding. The tree and stream represent peace, which is what I was searching for. I found this process confronting as well as healing, I’d told people about the adoption but hadn’t connected the impacts together.
I think about the constant searching, how tiresome it is. You’re always searching for your child. You know they’re out there somewhere and you don’t know if they’re being cared for properly. Incomplete grief- there’s no closure. Even with abortion, you would have the grief of your baby being gone but you know that it’s not being harmed. It’s all the unknown.
There’s a part of letting go that I needed to do to move forward. I can’t help or change the past. Feeling guilty for the Government’s actions isn’t healthy, this was not my choice.